announcing...

For a variety of reasons, until now, we've been selective in sharing the news about adopting Tommy.  It's been a long, winding road, on which we've only been absolutely certain we can bring him home in the last 30 days or so.  Still, there are a few hurdles and speed bumps, but at this stage, all the official roadblocks to bringing Tommy home have been removed. So, we feel safe telling the world now and we've begun sending out Christmas cards with an announcement.  So if you've just recently heard the news and this is your first visit to our blog, then "welcome........................and surprise!"

Of course, we'd love for you to read the whole story starting here.  We've tried hard to document our progress, as well as the challenges we've encountered along the way.  We welcome your questions and observations.  We'll try to answer the obvious questions here quickly:

• This time last year, we weren't planning on another child but by early 2010 it was clear we were being called to adopt.
• Tommy's health is generally good, but he has a serious neurological condition that needs to be addressed, and he can't get the help he needs in Africa.  Here's a little background on Tommy.
• He's from Ethiopia, where things are not good for children in general and there are 4 million orphans who need families.
• Quick synopsis of "why a child from another country?"
• and "why consider a child with a serious medical condition?"
• Our paperwork for the American side of the process is done.
• We (just Jen & Chris) are flying to Ethiopia January 8, 2011 for Ethiopian Court. They can choose yes or no, but most often they say yes. Once they say yes, Tommy is (considered by Ethiopian and American governments) our son.
• After court, we come home but Tommy stays there 4 to 12 weeks until we can go back and bring him home with us.

The challenges:

• Adoption is expensive.  Ours will cost right around $31,000.  Although we've been blessed by friends, family and a few organizations, we're still about $5,000 shy of what we'll need by February to bring him home.
• Tommy has a medical condition that we know impacts him physically and cognitively.  He needs to be evaluated by several different kinds of doctors and probably requires tons of therapy.  Cincinnati has an international adoption clinic that can provide some guidance and assistance, but mostly it's not covered by insurance.
• Under the best of circumstances, adopted kids struggle emotionally to overcome the psychological trauma of being separated from their parents and the impact of living in an institutional setting.  Even the "high end" orphanage is still an orphanage.  It will take time, patience and skill that we've been trying, as a family, to develop.
• Although we belong to a Catholic church, with a community full of loving people, few there have much experience with adoption, international adoption, or inter-racial/mixed culture families.  We've been lucky enough to find a small group of other adoptive families nearby and hope to connect with them to learn from their experience.

So, there you have it.  The whole story, so to speak.  Overall, this is great news for our family.  We're so very excited and believe God has blessed us immensely with this opportunity to make a difference in the life of a little boy and at the same time change the growth curve of our family tree. Some friends have asked what they can do to help, so here are a couple suggestions:

• Pray for us!
• Prayerfully consider making a cash contribution to our Tommy Fund.  We're finalizing an arrangement with a local charity to make contributions tax deductible, but we're plenty happy to put your money to work with ours to help Tommy have a better life.
• Buy some Ethiopian coffee!  This coffee vendor sends us $5 for every bag of coffee sold from this link.
• Plan to join us in May 2011 in Elizabethtown PA when we participate in the 2011 Walk of Hope to show our appreciation for Brittany's Hope Foundation, who helped bring Tommy home.
• Look into adoption; especially international adoption and the plight of "waiting children."

Thank you for visiting our blog.  Bookmark us and follow our progress over the next 100 days and beyond.  We hope God blesses you and your families as much as he has ours.  Merry Christmas!

Heartened!

Amazing conversation with Dr. Mary Staat at Children's Hospital International Adoption Center.  She reviewed Tommy's health record and all the information we got from Holt.

She shared it with her associates at Childrens:

• Dr. Linda Michaud, a physical rehab specialist with gobs of experience helping kids rehab from physical issues associated with international adoption.
• Dr Meg Care, a pediatric neuroradiologist.

Here's what they've concluded:

• It's unclear whether there's sufficient evidence that Tommy really has schizencephaly, or whether that's just the diagnosis the doctors in ET landed on with the limited evidence they had.  The more they look at, the less likely it seems.
• It's more likely he had in-utero "event," possibly an ischemic (lack of blood flow) attack.  These usually cause irreparable damage to developing brain tissue and vasculature.
• There is asymmetrical hypomyelination in the right temporal lobe.  This means the myelin (the protective covering to nerves in the brain) did not develop properly in the part of the brain that controls hearing and the ability to appreciate music or sing.
• A portion of the left basal ganglia is undeveloped.  The basal ganglia is located deep in the front part of the brain and is associated with functions like voluntary motor control, procedural learning relating to routine behaviors or habits, eye movements, and cognitive, emotional functions.
• His exam of predominantly right-sided findings (including language delay and right hemiparesis) corresponds well with the Left-sided brain findings on MRI. 
• Language issues with right-sided hemi-paresis palsy typically resolve.  The delay that occurs with right sided hemiparesis (but not with left-sided hemiparesis) is typically followed by catch-up in language (because language can re-lateralize to the right hemisphere for lesions occurring before age 8 yrs)
• Then, they said some magic words: "The rest of the brain looks normal." 

You just can't imagine how hopeful our family feels.  When we first accepted Tommy's referral, he was essentially immobile and incommunicative.  And over time, we began to receive communications from the agency that showed him making more and more progress.  It was very encouraging.  At a certain point, we began to believe that whatever his condition was, and whatever deficits he was experiencing, we'd be able to make some improvements if we could just get him some good doctors and therapists.

The feedback from these doctors just reinforces our belief that we can make a huge difference in Tommy's world when we get him here.  Moreover, this news has served to bolster our belief that God is watching over him, has led us to him, and will help us to bring him safely home.  How appropriate that we find this out just two days before Christmas.  "It's just what I always wanted."

"30 days and a wake-up!"

My Marine Corps buddies would recognize that saying; it's what "short-timers" in the Corps said in their final month before discharge.

It's hard to believe, but we're just a month away from becoming a family of seven.  At this exact time one month from now, we'll be at court in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, where a judge will decide whether Tommy becomes our son or not.

As we understand it, the court hearing is more than mere formality; it's the Ethiopian government's way of protecting against fraud and child trafficking.  So, they take it pretty seriously; the judge asks questions about why you're adopting, how you'll help preserve his culture, etc.  It's a stressful event! 

Then, sadly, we'll have to leave him in Ethiopia after our court hearing to give the agency time to work with the US Government for a immigrations paperwork and a passport.  The great news is that when they're finished, Tommy will not only be our son, but a naturalized US citizen.  We'll merely have to do some more paperwork with the State of Ohio after he gets home.

They say it could be 4 to 12 weeks before we can get back over there to bring him home.  Recent experience is that it's been taking about 8 weeks.  If that continues to hold, we could have Tommy home for Easter.  For now, we keep praying.

Tommy's America book

Click here to view this photo book larger

God has chosen me...

I've been reflecting a lot on why we're adopting; not just why, but why now, why a boy from Ethiopia, and why a boy with such significant medical challenges.

As to why I've been thinking about it a lot, let's just say that we've been asked those questions by a number of different people, not all of whom asked out of simple curiosity.  At least one said they thought we're being irresponsible and neglectful of our duty to our other children (they used the term "real children").  Although in retrospect I shouldn't have been, at the time, I was rather surprised by such an un-Christian accusation.  After all, that particular person isn't typically all that Christian anyway, and in fact, we'd had similar (although perhaps not as choleric) responses from friends who are (at least outwardly) very Christian.

I wonder how people who believe in God, who know his word, who claim to follow it, can take such a position.  After all, do the circumstances of Tommy's birth make him any less human?...any less a child of God?  Would he have been deemed more worthy of parenting had be been fortunate enough to be born in America?  Or is it possible that wouldn't even have been close enough?  Would some have still been unhappy that we didn't request an Ohio child, even a Warren County, Ohio child?

In the end, we've decided that some people just aren't comfortable with adoption, and these challenges to our decision are just their way of expressing that discomfort.  We knew we'd have people who don't understand, and we knew we'd be challenged.  After all, we're not wealthy, four kids is already a bit peculiar by some peoples' standards, $32,000 is a lot of money to be pulled from our earning/savings, and we certainly have insufficient information on Tommy's health to know what we'll be dealing with when he gets here.  So, what!

Last night at mass, the closing hymn, although I've heard and sang it many times before, struck me as poignant.  Without being overly dramatic, I really believe it applies to our family, our choice, our approach.  It goes like this:
God has chosen me, God has chosen me  |  to bring good news to the poor.  |  God has chosen me, God has chosen me  |  to bring new sight to those searching for light  |  God has chosen me, chosen me  |  God is calling me, God is calling me |  in all whose cry is unheard.  |  God is calling me, God is calling me  |  to raise up the voice with no power or choice  |  God is calling me, calling me ( http://www.spiritandsong.com/compositions/7776 )

I believe God has called us to stand up for children in Tommy's situation.  I believe he, and plenty more children like him, need people like us who will "bring good news to the poor."  God has chosen us; He is calling our family to live out his commandments, and we have answered his call.  I'll say it again, WE KNOW THIS WILL BE HARD!  But that's exactly the point! This isn't supposed to be easy.  It's supposed to be impactful!  We're changing the direction of a young boy's life!  And in the process, we're changing the direction and values of our entire family.  If it was easy, there wouldn't be such a huge surplus of parent-less children.  It's going to be hard!  We knew that at the first thought of adoption.  Every step along the way has confirmed it.  But we've never used how difficult something would be as a criteria to determine whether we'd do it; certainly not with things of great importance. 

Still, it's hard when people you love treat you poorly because they disagree with a decision you've made.  In the end, it'll makes little difference.  We've taken our decision and we're very nearly at the crossroad; just 36 days.  We're comfortable with what we're doing and why. I'm hopeful eventually those who disagree with us will come to understand and accept it.  Till then, we'll keep praying.

Joy & Sadness...both overwhelming

After something like 20 hours worth of online research and phone calls, we finally managed to secure flights to Ethiopia and back.  I feel as if I've earned my graduate degree in travel arranging.  A huge thank you goes to Gramom and Grampop Romano, who gave us their frequent flyer miles.   American Airlines doesn't fly all the way to Ethiopia, but they can get us to London, and back. It was a huge help; saved us almost $2,000 plus gave us a nice reason to stop-over in England.  We'll have about 1/2 day on the front and almost a whole day on the back end of the trip.  God Bless them for being 100% supportive of us and our plan to make Tommy part of our family.  Less than 39 days till we meet our boy.

On the other side of the emotional scale, on Monday we spoke with another mom, who like us, was very close to meeting her daughter.  The agency called her that morning and told her their child was hospitalized over the weekend.  She didn't share why the baby was ill, just that her condition quickly worsened, and she never recovered.  It was a brutal reminder, for them, and for us, of just how fragile life is there.  It quickly brought us back to the reality of why we decided to adopt from Africa in the first place.  It also adds a measure of anxiety...not just for us, but for all the families.  As good as the care appears to be at Holt's care center, you can't help but feel as a parent, that he'll be forever better off once we get him here.  I'm certain we will be too.