announcing...

For a variety of reasons, until now, we've been selective in sharing the news about adopting Tommy.  It's been a long, winding road, on which we've only been absolutely certain we can bring him home in the last 30 days or so.  Still, there are a few hurdles and speed bumps, but at this stage, all the official roadblocks to bringing Tommy home have been removed. So, we feel safe telling the world now and we've begun sending out Christmas cards with an announcement.  So if you've just recently heard the news and this is your first visit to our blog, then "welcome........................and surprise!"

Of course, we'd love for you to read the whole story starting here.  We've tried hard to document our progress, as well as the challenges we've encountered along the way.  We welcome your questions and observations.  We'll try to answer the obvious questions here quickly:

• This time last year, we weren't planning on another child but by early 2010 it was clear we were being called to adopt.
• Tommy's health is generally good, but he has a serious neurological condition that needs to be addressed, and he can't get the help he needs in Africa.  Here's a little background on Tommy.
• He's from Ethiopia, where things are not good for children in general and there are 4 million orphans who need families.
• Quick synopsis of "why a child from another country?"
• and "why consider a child with a serious medical condition?"
• Our paperwork for the American side of the process is done.
• We (just Jen & Chris) are flying to Ethiopia January 8, 2011 for Ethiopian Court. They can choose yes or no, but most often they say yes. Once they say yes, Tommy is (considered by Ethiopian and American governments) our son.
• After court, we come home but Tommy stays there 4 to 12 weeks until we can go back and bring him home with us.

The challenges:

• Adoption is expensive.  Ours will cost right around $31,000.  Although we've been blessed by friends, family and a few organizations, we're still about $5,000 shy of what we'll need by February to bring him home.
• Tommy has a medical condition that we know impacts him physically and cognitively.  He needs to be evaluated by several different kinds of doctors and probably requires tons of therapy.  Cincinnati has an international adoption clinic that can provide some guidance and assistance, but mostly it's not covered by insurance.
• Under the best of circumstances, adopted kids struggle emotionally to overcome the psychological trauma of being separated from their parents and the impact of living in an institutional setting.  Even the "high end" orphanage is still an orphanage.  It will take time, patience and skill that we've been trying, as a family, to develop.
• Although we belong to a Catholic church, with a community full of loving people, few there have much experience with adoption, international adoption, or inter-racial/mixed culture families.  We've been lucky enough to find a small group of other adoptive families nearby and hope to connect with them to learn from their experience.

So, there you have it.  The whole story, so to speak.  Overall, this is great news for our family.  We're so very excited and believe God has blessed us immensely with this opportunity to make a difference in the life of a little boy and at the same time change the growth curve of our family tree. Some friends have asked what they can do to help, so here are a couple suggestions:

• Pray for us!
• Prayerfully consider making a cash contribution to our Tommy Fund.  We're finalizing an arrangement with a local charity to make contributions tax deductible, but we're plenty happy to put your money to work with ours to help Tommy have a better life.
• Buy some Ethiopian coffee!  This coffee vendor sends us $5 for every bag of coffee sold from this link.
• Plan to join us in May 2011 in Elizabethtown PA when we participate in the 2011 Walk of Hope to show our appreciation for Brittany's Hope Foundation, who helped bring Tommy home.
• Look into adoption; especially international adoption and the plight of "waiting children."

Thank you for visiting our blog.  Bookmark us and follow our progress over the next 100 days and beyond.  We hope God blesses you and your families as much as he has ours.  Merry Christmas!

Heartened!

Amazing conversation with Dr. Mary Staat at Children's Hospital International Adoption Center.  She reviewed Tommy's health record and all the information we got from Holt.

She shared it with her associates at Childrens:

• Dr. Linda Michaud, a physical rehab specialist with gobs of experience helping kids rehab from physical issues associated with international adoption.
• Dr Meg Care, a pediatric neuroradiologist.

Here's what they've concluded:

• It's unclear whether there's sufficient evidence that Tommy really has schizencephaly, or whether that's just the diagnosis the doctors in ET landed on with the limited evidence they had.  The more they look at, the less likely it seems.
• It's more likely he had in-utero "event," possibly an ischemic (lack of blood flow) attack.  These usually cause irreparable damage to developing brain tissue and vasculature.
• There is asymmetrical hypomyelination in the right temporal lobe.  This means the myelin (the protective covering to nerves in the brain) did not develop properly in the part of the brain that controls hearing and the ability to appreciate music or sing.
• A portion of the left basal ganglia is undeveloped.  The basal ganglia is located deep in the front part of the brain and is associated with functions like voluntary motor control, procedural learning relating to routine behaviors or habits, eye movements, and cognitive, emotional functions.
• His exam of predominantly right-sided findings (including language delay and right hemiparesis) corresponds well with the Left-sided brain findings on MRI. 
• Language issues with right-sided hemi-paresis palsy typically resolve.  The delay that occurs with right sided hemiparesis (but not with left-sided hemiparesis) is typically followed by catch-up in language (because language can re-lateralize to the right hemisphere for lesions occurring before age 8 yrs)
• Then, they said some magic words: "The rest of the brain looks normal." 

You just can't imagine how hopeful our family feels.  When we first accepted Tommy's referral, he was essentially immobile and incommunicative.  And over time, we began to receive communications from the agency that showed him making more and more progress.  It was very encouraging.  At a certain point, we began to believe that whatever his condition was, and whatever deficits he was experiencing, we'd be able to make some improvements if we could just get him some good doctors and therapists.

The feedback from these doctors just reinforces our belief that we can make a huge difference in Tommy's world when we get him here.  Moreover, this news has served to bolster our belief that God is watching over him, has led us to him, and will help us to bring him safely home.  How appropriate that we find this out just two days before Christmas.  "It's just what I always wanted."

"30 days and a wake-up!"

My Marine Corps buddies would recognize that saying; it's what "short-timers" in the Corps said in their final month before discharge.

It's hard to believe, but we're just a month away from becoming a family of seven.  At this exact time one month from now, we'll be at court in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, where a judge will decide whether Tommy becomes our son or not.

As we understand it, the court hearing is more than mere formality; it's the Ethiopian government's way of protecting against fraud and child trafficking.  So, they take it pretty seriously; the judge asks questions about why you're adopting, how you'll help preserve his culture, etc.  It's a stressful event! 

Then, sadly, we'll have to leave him in Ethiopia after our court hearing to give the agency time to work with the US Government for a immigrations paperwork and a passport.  The great news is that when they're finished, Tommy will not only be our son, but a naturalized US citizen.  We'll merely have to do some more paperwork with the State of Ohio after he gets home.

They say it could be 4 to 12 weeks before we can get back over there to bring him home.  Recent experience is that it's been taking about 8 weeks.  If that continues to hold, we could have Tommy home for Easter.  For now, we keep praying.

Tommy's America book

Click here to view this photo book larger

God has chosen me...

I've been reflecting a lot on why we're adopting; not just why, but why now, why a boy from Ethiopia, and why a boy with such significant medical challenges.

As to why I've been thinking about it a lot, let's just say that we've been asked those questions by a number of different people, not all of whom asked out of simple curiosity.  At least one said they thought we're being irresponsible and neglectful of our duty to our other children (they used the term "real children").  Although in retrospect I shouldn't have been, at the time, I was rather surprised by such an un-Christian accusation.  After all, that particular person isn't typically all that Christian anyway, and in fact, we'd had similar (although perhaps not as choleric) responses from friends who are (at least outwardly) very Christian.

I wonder how people who believe in God, who know his word, who claim to follow it, can take such a position.  After all, do the circumstances of Tommy's birth make him any less human?...any less a child of God?  Would he have been deemed more worthy of parenting had be been fortunate enough to be born in America?  Or is it possible that wouldn't even have been close enough?  Would some have still been unhappy that we didn't request an Ohio child, even a Warren County, Ohio child?

In the end, we've decided that some people just aren't comfortable with adoption, and these challenges to our decision are just their way of expressing that discomfort.  We knew we'd have people who don't understand, and we knew we'd be challenged.  After all, we're not wealthy, four kids is already a bit peculiar by some peoples' standards, $32,000 is a lot of money to be pulled from our earning/savings, and we certainly have insufficient information on Tommy's health to know what we'll be dealing with when he gets here.  So, what!

Last night at mass, the closing hymn, although I've heard and sang it many times before, struck me as poignant.  Without being overly dramatic, I really believe it applies to our family, our choice, our approach.  It goes like this:
God has chosen me, God has chosen me  |  to bring good news to the poor.  |  God has chosen me, God has chosen me  |  to bring new sight to those searching for light  |  God has chosen me, chosen me  |  God is calling me, God is calling me |  in all whose cry is unheard.  |  God is calling me, God is calling me  |  to raise up the voice with no power or choice  |  God is calling me, calling me ( http://www.spiritandsong.com/compositions/7776 )

I believe God has called us to stand up for children in Tommy's situation.  I believe he, and plenty more children like him, need people like us who will "bring good news to the poor."  God has chosen us; He is calling our family to live out his commandments, and we have answered his call.  I'll say it again, WE KNOW THIS WILL BE HARD!  But that's exactly the point! This isn't supposed to be easy.  It's supposed to be impactful!  We're changing the direction of a young boy's life!  And in the process, we're changing the direction and values of our entire family.  If it was easy, there wouldn't be such a huge surplus of parent-less children.  It's going to be hard!  We knew that at the first thought of adoption.  Every step along the way has confirmed it.  But we've never used how difficult something would be as a criteria to determine whether we'd do it; certainly not with things of great importance. 

Still, it's hard when people you love treat you poorly because they disagree with a decision you've made.  In the end, it'll makes little difference.  We've taken our decision and we're very nearly at the crossroad; just 36 days.  We're comfortable with what we're doing and why. I'm hopeful eventually those who disagree with us will come to understand and accept it.  Till then, we'll keep praying.

Joy & Sadness...both overwhelming

After something like 20 hours worth of online research and phone calls, we finally managed to secure flights to Ethiopia and back.  I feel as if I've earned my graduate degree in travel arranging.  A huge thank you goes to Gramom and Grampop Romano, who gave us their frequent flyer miles.   American Airlines doesn't fly all the way to Ethiopia, but they can get us to London, and back. It was a huge help; saved us almost $2,000 plus gave us a nice reason to stop-over in England.  We'll have about 1/2 day on the front and almost a whole day on the back end of the trip.  God Bless them for being 100% supportive of us and our plan to make Tommy part of our family.  Less than 39 days till we meet our boy.

On the other side of the emotional scale, on Monday we spoke with another mom, who like us, was very close to meeting her daughter.  The agency called her that morning and told her their child was hospitalized over the weekend.  She didn't share why the baby was ill, just that her condition quickly worsened, and she never recovered.  It was a brutal reminder, for them, and for us, of just how fragile life is there.  It quickly brought us back to the reality of why we decided to adopt from Africa in the first place.  It also adds a measure of anxiety...not just for us, but for all the families.  As good as the care appears to be at Holt's care center, you can't help but feel as a parent, that he'll be forever better off once we get him here.  I'm certain we will be too.

Lighting the town Christmas Tree

I am in my 5th year, my second elected term, as a member of my town council.  This year, I am the functional equivalent of Mayor in my 33,000 person suburban 2-highway, 3 exit, fast-growing town called Deerfield.  As an elected official, we get to "host" the annual lighting of the town tree.  Actually, it belongs to the shopping center at the center of town, aptly named Deerfield Towne Center.  That's convenient because it allows us have a town tree but avoid all the messy non sequitur church and state arguments.  Our town is mostly Christian, but we've got an ever increasing mix of Jewish, Indian and Asian families moving in.  And although I tend to think of a Christmas tree as part of the secular celebration of Christmas (after all it's not like we've got an official town creche), I do want to be sensitive to those who don't celebrate.  So, at least for now, we get to have a town tree, and my kids really like going to the tree lighting.  It's a 40-foot tree and they always have music and singing, a horse-drawn carriage and hot chocolate.  It makes for a nice family event, and a great backdrop for a kid photo.  Here's how it turned out this year. 

I never tire of hearing Merry Christmas.  Can't wait for Tommy to be part of this photo and this season.  43 days till he's officially a Romano.

60 days

Our first visit to Ethiopia is just two months away.  We're so anxious to meet Tommy, but there's still so much to do and it just doesn't seem like enough time.

There's been alot of discussion around our house about how they prepare the kids for our arrival, and for their eventual departure.  We're all wondering "does Tommy know?"

He's been at the Care Center for over a year, and I'm sure kids have come and gone there.  I wonder what they know about where the kids who've left have gone.  One of the other families indicated their 4-year old couldn't wait to leave because he thought he was going to catch up with his buddy from the care center when he got to America.  As funny as that sounds, it may not be so far off the mark.  We've connected with a family from New Mexico (http://therobbsrevolution.blogspot.com/), who also have 4 kids and their little guy is at the care center with Tommy.  They're about 50 days ahead of us on the travel schedule, so looks like our guys are going to be coming to America around the same time.  We're very excited about the prospect of keeping them connected somehow (phone, Skype, etc).

We're a little worried about the show-up then leave part; will it confuse him?  Many of the adoptees are very young, and probably don't understand much of what's going on anyway, but Tommy's 3 1/2, and it's got to be confusing when some people who look VERY different show up, hug, slobber and dote over you, play with you for a couple hours, give you some nice trinkets, then disappear for 2 or 3 months.  He'll have to be wondering "is that what family means?"

Just one of the difficult parts of this journey.

Here comes some real work

So, it's taken the last week for some of this to sink in, but, we're actually going to Ethiopia in January.

We scheduled our shots; there's like 8 of them over 4 weeks.
We've called the travel agent.  Trying to schedule the trip so we're gone as few days as possible, but also recognizing that we'll be flying through Europe, and this may be a one-in-a-lifetime trip for us (the Europe part, I mean).  We're also trying to figure out how we can use the 200,000 skymiles my Mom offered (my Mom Rocks!)

It may be a little dicey, but I think we can squeeze in an overnighter in Italy to collect on a bet from my business partner who said he'd buy me a great Italian dinner.  And anyone who's been to Ohio knows you can't get one of those here.  So why not go right to the source.  Turns out it may be cheaper to stop over in Italy on a Saturday night than to flight straight through to Africa.  We'll see.

We've filled out, but haven't mailed our Visa applications yet.  There's some question as to whether it makes sense to mail our passports to Washington when we can just get them in Addis when we land.  We're worried they'll get lost in the mail or in someone's in-box in DC.  Don't have much confidence in the DC people.

We still have to update our wills and powers of attorney, but that's scheduled.
We still have a bit of a cash shortfall, but we're certain that'll work its way out before trip 2, which is probably not 'till March.

Yep, lots to do.
It's no longer waiting.
It's doing!!!

BIG NEWS!!!

Within 24 hours, we received our approval (I-171) from USCIS (Immigrations) and Holt gave us our court date!  January 12, 2011!!!!!

That's just 71 days from now!  "Excited!" doesn't half cover it. 

The funny part is the 171 says "it has been determined that your are able to furnish proper care to an orphan..."  Ya think?  That's the government talking.

We were just starting to get antsy since it'd been a couple weeks and we were seeing all the 2010 trip dates get handed out.  The really nice thing is Jenny and I can spend her birthday in ET meeting our son for the first time.

Signs you're family is excited about adoption

A rose by any other name...

We've all been wondering about the derivation of Tommy's name.  We're not supposed to share it here; at least not until after ET court.  But, we took note of the fact that his surname was different from both his mother's and his father's.  So we hunted around for Ethiopian naming conventions.  Here's what we found:

When an Ethiopian is born, the child receives a given name from his/her parents or grandparents. The child’s second name is her/his father’s name and a third name—the child’s paternal grandfather’s given name – is tacked on to the end.

There are no ―last names‖ or ―surname‖ as is the practice in many cultures throughout the world. Most Ethiopians use just their given name and father’s name for everyday use but will use all three names when more formality is appropriate.

When a woman marries she does not change her ―last‖ name to that of her husband but rather keeps her fathers name.

People are universally addressed by first name rather than by last name. In formal address, the name is always preceded by title. For a man, the common title (comparable to ―Mister) is ―Ato. For a woman the common title is ―Woizero (Mrs.) if married and ―Woizerit (Miss) if single.

I'm just sayin'.....

Got our fingerprints done this morning for the Citizenship and Immigrations Service (what used to be called Customs or INS, and by the way, a tip for my friends in Washington DC: just changing the name of a monolithic, bureaucratic, bohemoth government agency does not make it either 1) more efficient or 2) more appealing).

Our I600 application (to classify Tommy as an immediate relative) was mailed six weeks ago.  I sent it by FedEx on 9/17 (a Friday).  FedEx says they got it on 9/20 (Monday).  In the 9/24 mail, we got (a very official looking I-797C) written notice they were processing our paperwork and we should expect written instructions regarding what to do next.  We got two copies by the way; one for Jenny and one for me.

About a week later, we got another one...no, actually two more I-797Cs.  These told us to go get fingerprinted on 10/26, almost exactly one month later.  Thinking it was an awfully long time to wait for fingerprints, I wondered whether we could move it up.  So, I looked for a phone number on the notice.  There wasn't one.  I looked for a phone number on the website; again nothing.  A bunch of research and digging later indicated the only option for changing your appointment was to mail the form back and wait for another I-797C with a new date (bet $1,000 it wouldn't have been an earlier date either).

So being good instruction-followers, we waited the month.  Now, I'm going to completely skip over the silliness (and expense) of taking six weeks and mailing 4 letters to schedule us for fingerprinting....at least for now.  What I'm completely bothered by is how we waited calmly for our delayed-six-weeks appointment only to arrive this morning to a huge, empty facility with several (very nice) employees patiently waiting for something to do.  The whole "we're so busy we couldn't possibly get this done sooner than 6 weeks" facade of their circa-1943 scheduling and communications system was a complete sham!  The ladies there told us we could have come sooner--just shown up any day--and they would have taken us....AAAAAAAAHHH!

Healthcare by the federal government anyone?

It's called waiting...

...as if that's all we're doing.  There's been no down time since we started this journey back in February.  Sure, it was pretty slow at the beginning, as we learned about the process and contemplated involvement.  But since the day we said yes, it's been a whirling dervish, so saying we're waiting is sort of a misnomer.

We're actually running, as fast as we can toward our son.  It's just that the road we're sprinting on is a long and winding one.  He's 7,500 miles away, and there's two long plane rides, a judge and two country's worth of immigration rules, and about $14,000 keeping us apart.

Although the waiting permeates our world, it's not like we're just standing around.  We’re filling out, and filing, papers with just about everyone; immigrations, State Dept., adoption-related foundations.  Thankfully, it feels like we’re writing fewer checks now.  There was a period of time where it felt like we're just going from place to place, getting in some long line, meeting someone new, and writing them a check.  It was almost likes you didn't really want to know exactly what it was for, just that it was done so you could move on to the next one.  But, we're all done with that now.

Now, we’re gathering resources, trying to get smarter on the medical side, and doing research on the education side.  We’re trying to figure out what our priorities should be, for him, and for all of us, once he gets here.  We’re trying to decide which language, and how much of it, we should learn to best communicate with Tommy; both when we meet him in Ethiopia, and when he comes home to us in America.  We're trying to figure out which "experts" we should listen to, about his medical condition, about his emotional condition, about his psychological condition.  We're trying to figure out priorities, because there's just soooooooo much to do.

.....oh, and we're waiting.

How could we not???

Over the weekend, the question was raised, "...but there are plenty of kids who need help in America; why go to Ethiopia?"  Well, here's one reason:

this is poverty in America

and this 

and finally, this...

Whereas 

THIS is poverty in Ethiopia

and this...

and this 

and this...

and finally, when we learned what happens when

people who can help (like us) don't

"aged out" is the term used to explain what happens if no one adopts a child before they reach 12 or 14 years old; they are turned out of the orphanage

to live (or die) on their own.

So, when people ask why we're adopting from Ethiopia,

I simply share with them what we (and now you) know about

how poverty affects kids in Ethiopia and then ask them...

HOW COULD WE NOT?

one step forward and......

We got updated photos of Tommy on Wednesday. The photos were AWESOME, and we were elated! You can tell from his gorgeous smile that he has such an amazing spirit. Still, it's sad to watch how quickly he's changing, and know that we're still months from bringing him home.

More than a dozen people received referrals this week, and one that we know of was for a waiting child. We thank God each time "meet" another family that's stepped up for one of His children. But, there are just not enough. In fact, we heard Holt accepted 16 more children from Ethiopia this week, 3 of whom are in the Waiting Child program. It's clear, in this mission, progress comes one child--and one family--at a time.

DTE!!!!!

Today comes word that our dossier is in Ethiopia (DTE as they say).  To the uninitiated, that is absolutely HUGE news!  That means, essentially, the number of steps between us and a face to face meeting with our new son now number just a handful:

1. translate our dossier (like 180 pages) into Amharic
2. Submit dossier to Ministry of Women's Affairs (MOWA)
3. Have court date schedule

Of course, there's just a few speed bumps along the way:

1. Conversion from Julian to Gregorian calendar is sometimes problematic.  Ethiopia has “13 months of sunshine” and just celebrated their calendar year 2002.
2. Electrical power and internet and telephone service suffers from frequent outages.
3. Because the country of Ethiopia relies on hydroelectric power, drought conditions throughout the country affect the availability of power. (see #2 above)
4. Family court dates are scheduled at the discretion of the High Court, not necessarily in the order in which documents are received.
5. it is common for adoption cases in Ethiopia to be re-scheduled one or more times.
6. The courts were closed in August and September.  It is not uncommon for cases to be rescheduled following the re-opening of the courts.
7. At court, MOWA must have provided a letter of support in favor of our adoption. If the letters are delayed, it could result in re-schedule.
8. Agency staff must procure a new birth certificate and passport for Tommy

See...piece of cake.  We'll be there in no time!

Geography lesson

In our efforts to become more culturally aware, we've been studying the demographics, geography and landscape of Ethiopia.  Since it's a pretty big country, we're focusing primarily on things that relate to Tommy.  Of course it's all a guess of sorts.  It's very difficult to get real details from the orphanage, and Tommy doesn't talk, so we've pieced together what we can based on some Sherlock Holmes-ian conjecture.

http://www.ethiodemographyandhealth.org/SNNPR.html

Tommy comes from the Semien Omo Zone in the Ethiopian Southern Nations, Nationalities and Peoples Region (SNNPR). Named after the Omo River, it was established in 1987, by The Derg, Communist rulers who came to power by ousting Haile Selassie, Emperor of Ethiopia from 1930 to 1974.  A 2005 census indicated a population of 3.8 million, 50/50 men and women.  The largest ethnic group in this zone is Welayta (44%), who have their own language, and most of whom are Christian (39% Ethiopian Orthodox, 36% Protestant, 3% Catholic), and 18% of whom practice "traditional" African religions.

The political and administrative subdivisions of each zone are called woredas (or weredas).  Woredas are composed of a number of Kebele, or neighborhood associations, the smallest unit of local government in Ethiopia. Part of the Semien Omo Zone, Boloso Sore is one of the 77 woredas in the SNNPR.

Based on the 2005 census, there are 359,000 people in Beloso Sore; just over half are men.  Less than 10% are considered urban dwellers.  Its population density is more than 4 times the average for the zone.  The largest ethnic group reported in Boloso Sore was the Welayta (98%), and Welayta was the dominant first language. 60% practice Ethiopian Orthodox Christianity, while 33.2% were Protestants, and 4.91% were Roman Catholic.  It has about 36 miles of all-weather road and 46 miles of dry-weather roads.

It's administrative center is at Areka.  We believe this is where Tommy's family is from.  It's about 4 hours drive from Addis, where he is now.  It is our deep hope that we'll have the opportunity to meet members of his family when we go to Ethiopia.  We would love to visit Areka, experience and take pictures of the area, and perhaps even take photos of his Ethiopian family members, so later we can share them with him.  We're sure he'll have questions about where he came from, and it'll be great to show him.  We're sooooo looking forward to our visit, not just to be able to share it with Tommy, but to experience it ourselves, so that we'll be able to understand him, and his world, just a little bit better.

Tough lessons are hard to learn

Work is hard today.  News this morning a former employee, someone I would not describe as a close friend, but a friend nonetheless, died in a motorcycle accident last night.  Miles was a good guy.  He and I were polar opposites politically, philosophically, and socially.  Still, I enjoyed his company, and I was sad when it turned out he didn't fit at our company.  That was a couple months ago, and although I tried hard to connect him where I could and help him find people or things that would land him a new job, he continued to struggle; even through yesterday when I talked to him last.

Miles had an ex-wife, and a son, Gunnar, who was 11 or 12.  I only met him once or twice, but Miles was clearly very fond of being a dad, and relished their relationship.  They were snowboard, soccer (although, as a brit, he called it football) and ice hockey buddies.  Although it seemed Miles didn't lament the failure of his marriage (at least not outwardly), he definitely worried about its impact on his son, and he worked hard to mitigate it in as many ways as he could.

I find myself reflecting on what this means; to us as a company, to me as a friend, and most importantly, to me as a father and husband. The simple things are: make sure life insurance is paid up; review will & trust with planned guardians; make sure Jenny knows what to do and when.  The harder parts are making sure each of the kids, and especially Jen, know just how much they mean to me, each and every time we part company.  The precariousness of our time here, not knowing how much longer we've got, or what lies around the next curve, makes each moment we're together more important than the last. I try hard to remember that always.  But incidents like this remind me to stop, and purposely focus on it more often.  I will.  I promise.

Dossier: done!

After some paper jogging and another quick meeting with our friendly notary...not to mention another $30 to FedEx...word comes from Laura R @ Holt that our dossier is in fact done.

Three cheers for Laura!




Now, we've got some fundraising to do.  As it stands now, we've paid about $8,500 of the $31,000 we expect this process to cost.  The wonderful people at Holt have agreed to reduce their fee by about $3,500 in order to move us along.  They sometimes do that to help facilitate the adoption of older children or those with medical issues.

Because they know about Tommy's medical condition, the amazing folks at Brittany's Hope Foundation, a charity focused on waiting children with "special needs," have offered to cover $5,000.  That will be a huge help.  In return, we're going to do two fundraising events for them; one right away and another next spring.  As long as nothing goes wrong, we expect Tommy will be able to participate in that one with us.

We'll be paying another almost $8,000 over the next 60 to 90 days before we travel to Ethiopia.  So, for those of you not keeping score, that means we'll need another $6,000 to close the gap before our second trip.  That shouldn't be too, too hard, depending on when they schedule us.  We hope there's enough time to save up, but not too much time; so Tommy won't have to wait any longer than absolutely necessary.

In the meantime, we're putting together a "Meet the Romano's" photobook that we'll take with us and give to Tommy when we pass court in Ethiopia.  Last week, we put together a beautiful "Look at America" photobook we'll be sending over in a couple weeks.  That one is just to give Tommy something from us to let him know he's special.  Of course, at this point, he has no idea who we are.  In fact, we're not even sure he knows he's being adopted yet.  Over the next couple weeks, we'll be asking some questions about what he knows and trying to get more familiar with him and his situation.  For now, we simply wait...and continue to pray.

Success!......well, almost.

After getting all our documents notarized, then certified by Warren County, then re-certified by the State of Ohio, we finally sent in all our paperwork to our international agency in Oregon.  You just can't believe the paper chase until you've lived it; it can be absolutely overwhelming.  But, with help from the agency and our local social worker, we got through it. 

So, they let us know yesterday they got our package.  And wouldn't you know, we goofed up on one of the forms.  I kind of knew it would happen with at least one form.  At least this mistake wasn't really my fault.  We didn't have one of the forms notarized.  I checked the agency-provided checklist, and it turns out we didn't do it because they didn't tell us to.  It's the only one on their list that doesn't say "notarize."  Still, it needs fixing, so we're headed out this morning to rectify the problem.

Once we get that done, they say our dossier is complete.  We got a text from the USCIS (Immigrations) yesterday afternoon saying they got our application.  You have to get their permission to immigrate a child.  I was actually kind of shocked that it worked the way they claimed it would.  I don't have much faith in government, but this time, they got our package, texted us that it was there, and told us what to expect next; pretty nice actually.

The final piece of documentation is approval from the Ethiopian court.  Jenny & I will have to go there and present ourselves to an ET judge in order for them to say it's ok for Tommy to leave.  Then we have to go to the American embassy in Addis to get permission to bring him to America.  They tell us it's mostly perfunctory, but occasionally, families get tripped up by paperwork or delays in scheduling, so we're trying to stay relaxed about it.  Nonetheless, we're anxious.

So, if I had to hazard a guess, I'd say there's about a 50/50 chance we'll get in front of the court before Christmas.  And if that happens, there's a better than 50% chance he'll be home with us here before his fourth birthday in February.  That would be absolutely awesome!  We can only wait and pray.

My favorite politician

A major league "Thank you" to my good friend Shannon Jones, who is also my Ohio Senator, who removed a huge rock from our path Friday with a quick (and terribly effective) phone call to the Ohio Dept of Job and Family Services.  They were sitting on some paperwork we desperately needed to keep our adoption moving forward.


I was trying hard (and failing) to keep a positive frame of mind and let the system work.  But, they had our request for more than 100 days, and processing it should have taken about 40 seconds.  In my opinion, they were laying down on the job, and it was creating a serious problem for us.

So, Shannon called (or more precisely, a very nice girl named Megan from Shannon's office, called ODJFS Tuesday and remarkably our paperwork showed up at our agency's office today.  Being a politician myself, my emotions are mixed: somewhere between thrilled that someone in office can make such a difference in an important situation (and one that's wholely appropriate for a politician to be involved in) and ticked that it takes political intervention for government employees to actual get something done.

Now, this is clearly not an indictment of all government workers, but it certainly doesn't speak to the kind of efficiency, public service and customer focus I try HARD to instill in the government that I lead.  But, it's a classic example of a poorly run, centrally driven government that's riddled with unfunded mandates; like the one that requires every adult who's planning to adopt, foster, teach, advise, coach, counsel, or otherwise interact with a child on a regular basis to have one of these certificates, but doesn't provide additional funding sufficient to actually perform all those searches.  I swear, every politician should have to stand in line, and live the misery that they've instituted with stupid rules like these...before they go into effect.

Bottom line is SOME POLITICIAN dorked this one up, and MY POLITICIAN managed to get it fixed for me.  So, YAY SHANNON! and I'm taking this one as a learning point.  One that I will carry it with me as I continue to strive to make my town a better place to live, learn, work and shop (....and deal with the government).

Contemplating the Gospel

We attended evening mass last night, and my brain is still all wrapped around yesterday's Gospel.  It was from Luke, chapter 14, and it really struck me as having a ton of relevance to our adoption plan.

In it, Jesus said, "Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after me
cannot be my disciple."  As I pondered this quote, I began to think about those of our friends and family who have suggested this task (adopting a little boy who's sick and from another country) is just too hard.  There have been a few, and although I know they are well intentioned, that continues to rub me the wrong way.  After all, we know this will be hard; in fact, that's one of the primary reasons we've chosen to do it.

Father Bob wrote in the church bulletin, "To be a true disciple is costly. Jesus does not want or need superficial disciples. He wants men and women willing to sacrifice, willing to follow all His commands.”  In his spoken and written homily, Bob mentions how we, as a people, have come to relish our comfort and how so many of our choices flow from a desire to maintain that comfort.  "Discipleship demands that in the face of all this we keep our priorities straight. True wisdom is knowing where to put our energies, how to focus our attention, with whom to commit ourselves. It may be demanding but it is not impossible for we are given the grace of God to sustain us."

He's right; it's easy to just say no or ignore the hard work of being a real follower of Christ.  It's way easier to let others do the hard work and make excuses like, "I already have four children; between my two full time jobs, I just won't have time; someone in our family already has a serious health condition; it'll be expensive; we don't speak Amhiric; it'll be physically, mentally and emotionally demanding"

Well, we've decided not to say no.  This is just too important an opportunity to pass up!  True, Tommy needs a family, and we'll do a superb job at that for him.  But equally important is the opportunity that Tommy brings to us; in our comfortable home, with our 3+ meals a day, and virtually limitless freedoms.

Making Tommy a member of our family will change more than just how we appear.  Just think of the lessons he can teach us; about struggling and hardship; compassion and humility; love and commitment; walking a mile in anothers' shoes. I believe God called us to Tommy for our benefit as much as for his.  He needs us for sure.  But God knows we need him just as much.  And like Bob shared in the closing today, "If we make the right choices, our lives will unfold in ways that will enrich us and all those around us. Living in right relationships, thinking of the needs of others not just ourselves, following the straight path, lifting one another up as a brother or sister, is the only way to spend the brief time we have here on earth. Nothing else is really worth it."

The video makes the paperwork easer

Just finished watching a video posted by a Texas family who adopted a little girl through the same agency we're using.  The Boyd family just brought home their little girl, Lilly, from Addis Ethiopia a couple weeks ago.  The video was very nice.  It showed a little about Addis Ababa, the capital, where Holt's care center is (that's where Tommy is too) and some more about Durame, the village down south, where many of the children were first placed for adoption.

The video helped get more perspective on where we'll be going, what the conditions are like there, and what it'll be like to visit.  Mostly what it did for me was to reinforce that we've got to get a move on!  There's a little boy who, although he doesn't yet know it, is waiting for us.  We've still got quite a bit of paperwork to do.  So, it's likely to be a couple months before we even get to visit for our court date.  But seeing what lies ahead helps me to keep it all in focus, and gives me encouragement to do what's necessary to keep the ball rolling.

I've got Tommy's picture on my desk at work, on my cell phone, in with all the other kids' photos on my digital picture frame.  Seeing his smiling face keeps the goal of bringing him to America front of mind.  We do a little bit of paperwork every day; even when I'm tired after a long day at work.  Together, we're eating away at those obstacles, day by day.  I hope to have enough photos and some video later, to assemble a nice video like the Boyd's, so we can show Tommy how hard we've worked to get him here.  Till then, we just keep the pencils (and printers) movin'.

Ticked!

This week, I've reached my limit.  We've been waiting since May for a silly piece of paper from our nearly bankrupt state in order for our adoption to progress, and I've just about had it.

To proceed, we're required to have certification that neither Jenny nor I am on the state child abuse registry.  In fact, we're required to have one for every state we've lived in.  Over the 10 years we served in The Marines, we lived in lots of places.  So, somehow, we managed to get the required certification from Pennsylvania, New York, Virginia, Texas and Hawaii; and all of them within 30 days of our request.  Yet, still we find ourselves waiting for the Ohio Department of Job and Family Services.

Now, I fully understand the need for such documentation, and I'm not mad that we have to get it.  I'm merely annoyed that the State of Ohio can't manage to look for our names some time in the last 105 days.  The reason this is such a big deal is that we've been standing still since the first week in July.  We can't file for our visas, get travel approval, file for our fingerprints or submit grant applications without a home study, and we our home study isn't finished without this silly note from the State.  Did I mention I'm ticked?  I'm thinking about ordering a bunch of these bumper stickers....

We're trying hard to not let this get us down.  Meanwhile, every additional day we go without it is one less day to get all our paperwork done in time to bring Tommy home before December 31st.  That's heart-breaking to us and I'm ticked!!!!

We've been quiet

It's been a couple weeks since I last posted.  It's also been kind of quiet on the adoption front.  We were finishing up our home study and collecting some final documents.  One of the forms that's still missing is our report from the Ohio Child Abuse Registry; they have to say we're not on it.  We had to get one from every state we've lived in.  So far, every other state has responded.  For those of you keeping score, that means we got answers from as far away as Pennsylvania, New York, Virginia, Texas and Hawaii, and yet, somehow, Columbus which is only about 90 minutes away from us, has yet to respond.

So, we're finishing our forms for the US Customs and Immigration Service to get something called an I171H, which is required to travel to Ethiopia.  But we can't submit for that without our home study, which requires those stupid abuse registry responses.  So, you can see, we're a bit frustrated by our state government, but don't get me started on THAT rant.

In the meantime, we took the family on a vacation.  It was the first real vacation in 5 or 6 years; at least one that didn't involve visiting family.  We went to Seacrest Florida for a week; it was fun.  The kids and Jen really like the beach and the house had a nice pool.  We ate and drank too much and basically relaxed.  It was a well-deserved break.  The last couple years have been kind of a treadmill for us; between running for re-election, starting a new company, and getting the whole adoption thing off the ground, it's been non-stop.  The only issue we had was justifying the cost and spending money on recreation when we're trying to save up for all the adoption costs.  It may sound like rationalizing, but I figured it's been so long since the kids (and Jenny) were away, and it's probably going to be a while before we can do it again.  In the end, I think it was worth it.  Besides, we took advantage of the downtime to finish Tommy's America Book and his family album.  Can't wait to send them over.  More paperwork this week, then we move to serious fundraising.

Double aaaaaaaawwwwww!

More proof that Tommy is someone VERY special.  A note this week from another mom who met him in Addis:

I traveled to pick up my son in early May and developed a relationship with a young boy at the Addis care center.  I know very little about special needs but would say his lower body was underdeveloped/partially paralyzed and that his upper body also was affected by something.  He had the greatest smile in the world and the ability to get what he needed!  I think about him all the time and would love to know if he has found a family yet.

God Bless Kerry!  Comments like hers help us focus even stronger on what needs to be done.  Hearing that it seems like he can get what he needs is so very encouraging.  We are trying so hard to get all our paperwork done, finish fund raising, and get ourselves over there to bring Tommy home.  We're anxious to get him started on some physical therapy to improve his mobility and dexterity. 

What's so very interesting, is that as we struggle with the mundane--the paperwork, the interviews, the fund raising--God is letting us know that he's watching over Tommy; connecting these moms with us, letting us know he's OK and sharing these important glimpses of his life before he joins us.  As we stare at the obstacles that lie between Tommy and us, it's these little things that gird our conviction to push ahead.  Thank you God.

awwwwwwwww!

We got the sweetest email last week from Adrianne, an adoptive mom who met Tommy at the Child Care Center in Addis last December.  She and her husband were there to bring their daughter home.  Here's her story; you may want to grab a tissue, it made me practically cry.  Could barely muster the words to express to her my gratitude for taking a moment for Tommy during such a special time for their family.

    We brought home our girl from Holt in dec.  While at the care center there was a little boy between 2 & 3 who sat on the floor while the other kids buzzed around him.  He had a few toys in front of him that he was playing with.  You could tell he had some sort of paralysis I forget on which side of his body.  I gently went over to him and started stacking bricks with him.  He LOVED it!!  I got some odd toys, and he kept stacking whatever he could, and then we would watch it fall and giggle.  When he got excited his little tongue started bouncing all around.  I praised him for all of his hard work.  He was so focused on building that tower and was so determined.  He was a complete joy.  I was so smitten by him, while my hubby engaged our new baby I kept wanting to spend time with him.  I shed a tear and prayed for his family, and rejoiced on how perfect this little boy was.  His face is forever etched in my mind and his happy bouncing tongue.   I believe you are that family. 

    Can't wait for your union.  God's timing is perfect - we want everything now, but God is in control, and He will connect you in His perfect time.  Not a second too late or too soon!  Before time, before you were born, before you were married, before you had kids, before, before, before etc....Tommy was ALWAYS part of God's plan for your life.  I share that to say God has already orchestrated every detail for your union - financially, the perfect doctors, the perfect airplane pilot to get you over there, everything...  May you truly walk by faith these next months, as that is the only path to Tommy!  God Bless!!!!

This week's lesson: governments are the same all over the earth

Apparently, the Ethiopian courts take about 6 weeks off every year.  And apparently, it's like a surprise vacation each year since no one knows exactly when they'll leave, or for exactly how long....ever. And we found this out from reading the adoption blogs and forums, since a whole pile of people who were leaving for Ethiopia Thursday had their court dates canceled on Wednesday.  Ooooh!

Now, I know every country has its peculiar customs.  And I'm sure from the outside looking in, we do some odd things in America (like bungee jumping or bull riding).  But, come on folks; one day's notice to postpone a critical trip like this one?  I'm super flexible, and even I think that's obnoxious.

So, we're trying to figure out just how this delay is going to affect us.  We are trying so hard to bring Tommy home before Christmas.  Everyone says it's a real long shot, but we're convinced he needs to be here as soon as humanly possible.  Every additional day he's in ET is one more day he's without a real diagnosis and the serious kind of physical and occupational therapies he needs.  We're hopeful once the vacation season is over in Ethiopia, the US and ET officials will work extra hard to eliminate any backlog in an effort to help us expedite Tommy's package.

OK, I know, the word expedite probably doesn't even translate into government-ese, in English or Amharic.

Health insurance; a necessary evil

We live in Deerfield Township, a fast-growing suburban community of 33,000 people about 26 miles north of Cincinnati.  In combination with the adjacent City of Mason, which has about the same population, we comprise the largest population center in our county. I was elected to our town council in 2005, then re-elected last year.  It's a challenging assignment--managing police and fire service, road and waterways, development and zoning, parks and recreation.  It's supposed to be a part time, board level job, but the first 5 years has been more like 3/4 to full time hard work.  A benefit of being on the Board is eligibility for health insurance.  It's been great for us.  Having insurance through the town has permitted me to be self-employed and to pursue other consulting jobs that don't offer health insurance.

Still, health insurance is a pain in the butt.  I won't get too high on my soap box, but health insurance reform is so badly needed; and not the kind of reform offered by the current Congress.  True reform would lower government-instituted barriers to competition to help lower the cost and reduce the need for insurance that covers every possible expense.  That would allow us to carry insurance that covers just the most expensive, unplanned costs, and every day medical costs could be covered out of pocket because the cost would be more reasonable.  Unfortunately, that's not how things are, and (at least for now) we have to carry insurance that covers just about everything because everything medical costs so much.

So, "why the rant?" you ask.  Because today, we're signing up for next year's health insurance.  Despite choosing one of the best "consumer driven" care plans, our insurance runs nearly $1 million per year.  And even though it's truly comprehensive coverage, I still can't get someone to tell me specifically whether or not Tommy will be covered under our insurance for the things he'll need like physical, occupational and speech therapy.  I have a masters degree in business and have run very large organizations, and even I can't tell for sure from reading our insurance plan.

The people in the know say he'll be a covered person on our plan.....HOWEVER....if he has what's called a pre-existing condition, and doesn't have insurance now, he may not be covered for certain costs.  When I went on to explain that he's in Ethiopia and we know he's got something wrong, but that we've got VERY little in the way of documentation, all I get is silence and wonder.  Differing opinions tell me he may not be covered for rehab services if he's been diagnosed there by a doctor.  I guess the distinguishing factor is...."diagnosed."  Unclear what they'll want to see, or whether we'll be able to procure it.  Sure makes it difficult to plan our finances for next year.

Love how my family looks!

Found this very cool silhouette maker online: http://www.widdlytinks.com/myfamily/silhouettes/

Absolutely love the new shape of our family.  Can't wait till we can all stand together for a real photo!  Somehow, little things like this make bringing him home more and more real every day.

Next step...dossier

Finished our home study today.  Karla, the social worker who helped us train and prepare, did such a nice job.  What a sweet lady.  She's absolutely well matched with her chosen career; she's very good at what she does.  We talked at length about all the things we'd need to know in order to do a good job as adoptive parents.  We identified resources and talked about what to expect.  Lots of mushy "feelings" stuff.  Still, very helpful.

Next, we move on to completing our "dossier."  That's all the paperwork required for US Immigration.  The office used to be called NIS, but they have a new acronym now.  In either case, there's a ton of paperwork that has to be completed before they'll allow us to bring Tommy home.  More on that as we progress.  For now, we're waiting for the home study documentation to be completed by our friend Karla and forwarded to our agency for review.  We're praying for a stiff wind in her sails.

Home Study

Yesterday was day two of Home Study; one day remaining.  Home Study is where we get trained in all things adoption families need to know.  How the training is done varies from place to place, but ours was done in our home by a very nice lady who's very experienced and lives right in our community.  It took a little time to get done, but overall not an unpleasant event.  It's a good idea, generally, to make sure people who are assuming responsibility for children are prepared.  I've often thought it would be helpful, and even reasonable, for insurance companies or hospitals to require something similar for birth parents.  After all, most kids are not adopted, so most parents don't get training like this.  For our part, in retrospect, it would have been helpful to have learned some of this information in formal training (rather than by experience only) for our first four kids.

This morning, we saw our names on the Holt update list:

Working on Dossier / Homestudy

The Romano Family                                                                (WC 3y boy)

(WC means Waiting Child) we're with about 15 others who are working on immigration paperwork and about 20 others who are waiting for a referral (that's where you find out who your new child is).  14 other families are waiting for Ethiopian court action and 18 who have passed the court and are waiting for travel dates.  Groups traveling in June and July have been assigned, and in reading the forums and other blogs, we're getting a better idea of just how long this whole process can take.  I keep telling people our goal is to set the land speed record for international adoption.  Seeing the waiting list gives me pause, but seeing our name on it and knowing our dossier is just about done pumps me back up.  Meanwhile, we're researching grants and other fundraising options.  More on that later.

Being a father.......again

It's Fathers Day, and we're celebrating.  My team made breakfast and gave me some great, personalized presents.  They are so good at picking stuff that really matters to me. Madi gave me a MARINES blanket (hand made), Julia gave me a pillow with our family photo on it.  Bub gave me a hand drawn and painted card with some of her best prose.  Moose gave me LEGOs in the shape of the USMC emblem (just giving away LEGOs is a huge deal for him).  Jenny gave me new running shoes; needed those badly.  Running trail races really wears out the shoes, and my last ones had a couple hundred miles on them.  Felt guilty buying new ones while we're conserving cash, but my feet are singing.  Already mudded them up this morning.

Fathers Day takes on a new meaning when you know another child is on the way.  I felt the same when each of the other 4 were "percolating."  Excitement is the base feeling, covered by a layer of anxious, with a healthy topping of apprehension.  I know in my heart we're making the right choice for our family, but I worry.  Are we taking on too much for our other kids.  How will it affect them, how will they respond, will it help them grow?  How much money, time, effort, attention, emotion will another child consume?  Will this make us a better family, draw us closer, bring us grace?  Will it make us more time-challenged, poorer, more scatter-brained, less social.  I think the answer to all of those questions is a resounding YES....just like it did last time, and the time before, and the time before that.

God has blessed us with four healthy, smart and capable children.  Now he has shown us the opportunity for a fifth; maybe a little light on the "healthy."   We're trying hard to keep it all in perspective, but I just have to say, I LOVE being a dad.  It's one of the only things I try to do with reckless abandon.  I LOVE my kids.  If after I'm gone, I'm remembered for nothing more than delivering to the world a handful of humble, committed, smart and thoughtful, gracious and truthful people, then I'll rest peacefully.  And I LOVE  having the chance to be dad for another boy who won't otherwise have one.  I just hope when he arrives, he'll come to accept me the way my other children have: as a sometimes goofy, sometimes embarrassing, often immature, mostly flawed, but hard-working, God fearing, unselfish, simple man who LOVES his family.  Happy Fathers Day to the rest of you dads.